- Put up or shut up – okay I think I will (2/9/18)
- The spin is making me dizzy already (2/3/18)
- Columnists challenge and only sometimes cheer (1/27/18)
- City Council should be servants, not pharaonic lords and masters (1/20/18)
- The people rule and the law is king (1/12/18)
- 2018: Year of change or more of the same? (1/6/18)
- Where there is no vision, people die (12/30/17)
It is never THAT bad…
Life is just so very fragile. It truly is here one minute and entirely and forever gone the next. The thing about death that shocks us, is that it isn’t always predictable – it just BAM! ... appears.
I write this column today with an extremely heavy heart. I am purposely going to be vague in the details of what makes my heart bleed today, but there certainly is a message that has to be told. It is never THAT bad.
Feelings lie. Hopelessness lies. Guilt lies. Embarrassment lies. Fear lies. In fact, fear truly is False Evidence Appearing Real.
Oftentimes, they are like a huge monstrous shadow creeping across a lonely bedroom wall, when in reality it is not even something that can touch you, hurt you or end you. Have you ever been physically harmed or beaten up by a shadow? Do you know of anyone that has? No. They are like lions that roar loudly but have no teeth to bite with.
The problem is, we all…yes all of us, are guilty of at times going by what we see instead of what is true. And when we feel so scared, embarrassed or hopeless; instead of reaching out to those around us that can give us proper perspective and that will show us the love we need in that moment, we become small inside and hide or worse yet - we give up.
I just received word today of a very good friend that recently made some very, very dumb mistakes. I’m not going to deny that and he wouldn’t either, but those mistakes became much bigger in his mind and much more monstrous than the really were and he gave up. He committed suicide.
I sit here stunned and confused, sad and angry, disgusted at the terrible waste and afraid of what effect this will have on his son. But unfortunately this is life…and death…and it can’t be undone because suicide is not reversible.
I write this to anyone that is contemplating suicide. It is NEVER the answer. 99 percent of the time things are not as bad in the long run as they appear in those hopeless short-term times.
But that one-percent of the time when it is as bad (or even worse), they are still temporary and God gives us the grace to get through it.
We don’t have to have a lot of friends to get through. We don’t have to have a loving spouse (but that certainly helps). We don’t have to have anyone. We just have to have time, because time heals all wounds. Things WILL get better. There are people that care, even if they haven’t adequately shown that care in the past.
None of us are unconnected with the rest of the world.
There are family members, friends, children, neighbors, co-workers, church members…and a thousand other possible connecting relationships that would be devastated by your killing yourself.
Also, killing oneself means that the world gets to write your epitaph, and trust me, they are really bad writers. They get to dictate how you will be remembered. But if you choose to live your full life, YOU have the ability to write the ending in the way that you want it to be.
Also know this - if you are in that dark, solitary, hopeless place that feels like you can’t do anything BUT kill yourself, let two people know. First let God know. Be honest and talk to Him. Ask Him to put someone in your path that can help you up. Then tell the person that you feel most close to. Tell them what you are going through. Give them an opportunity to help you through.
Either that or call 1-800-273-8255.
If you don’t want to do that, then call me. I care.
You are valuable. You are not so worthless that the world would be better without you. In fact, you are the best YOU the world has ever seen. You have carried heavy loads in the past and you can get through this too. One day, you will be glad that you did not kill yourself.
Your best days can be ahead of you if you want them to be. But you have to give those days the ability to be lived. You have to be here. I challenge you to dream an impossible dream and then simply don’t give up until you achieve it.
But, to begin with, set goals and make dreams that are based upon YOU accomplishing something. For example, learn how to play the guitar or to paint or to write a novel. Then use those fun, creative means to let out your pain and emotions. Express those pains and torments creatively and then one day, that earlier prayer you made will come to pass and the one person that is most suited to love you will be there.
By the way, they will be drawn to that creative thing that you have been doing. They will be able to recognize what you are communicating while the rest of the world might not. Because the whole world isn’t supposed to know what is in your heart.
Friend, I guess what I am saying is – don’t give up. You are worth it and I believe in you. I care and there are others out there that care – the shadow just seems too big and monstrous to you right now.
Also, forgive yourself. No one sin or mistake is big enough to throw away the entirely of your life
Soon you will see things differently!