Letter to the Editor

It's a gas, gas, gas

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

To the editor:

Socialism has been around in one form or another for a very long time. The Bible speaks of the early disciples holding "everything in common." The idea of "each according to his needs" does have a poetical attraction. In short, it sounds good. And, yeah, I know that in the case of the early disciples the sharing was voluntary not government coerced. Still, the idea of all working according to their abilities and receiving according to their needs has its appeal. Early in the 20th century, some socialists did have some truly novel ideas. Consider this one from my favorite cuddly little socialist and playwright, George Bernard Shaw.

"You must all know half a dozen people at least who are no use in this world, who are more trouble than they are worth. Just put them there and say Sir, or Madam, now will you be kind enough to justify your existence?"

I wonder what would happen if we could resurrect Mr. Shaw and let him do a few of his "will you be kind enough" interviews. Close your eyes and imagine as GBS speaks with Ogden W Snow, OWS for short.

GBS: Welcome, young man, I am so glad you responded to my invitation. Have a seat.

OWS: Yeah, man, I am so glad you called. You are a socialist and so am I. Cool, huh?

GBS: Yes, young man, I am very happy indeed that we are of the same accord. Now I have a few questions for you. If you answer well, I will see that you are rewarded for your efforts, how does that sound?

OWS: Cool

GBS: OK, first of all, would you be so kind as to justify your existence.

OWS: Would I ever. Man, I have so much going on in my life. For starters, I have some real good reefer, wanna burn one?

GBS: Sounds inviting, but what say we finish the interview first? Do you have anything else?

OWS: Do I ever. I just graduated from college.

GBS: Wonderful. I take it that you have found gainful employment?

OWS: Not yet. You see, I have been in New York for a while and haven't had time to job search.

GBS: And why then haven't you been looking for work there?

OWS: Well you see, I am there with a lot of other people just like me and we are protesting because the middle class just keeps getting hosed.

GBS: And how is that going for you?

OWS: Man, great. We get up every morning early enough to get in the way of people going to work. Then we bang on some drums and dance and party so that we can get in the way as those greedy people try to go home from their jobs. Oh yeah, and whenever someone says something, we chant it back in unison. We even managed to shut down a port out in Oakland. They put us on TV and a whole lot of people are talking about us.

GBS: Anything else?

OWS: Oh yeah, we are really smart too. We are attacking the institution that over almost any 20-year period has provided a better return on investment than any other available investment vehicle, with possible exception of gold. You see, we love the middle class so much we can't stand the thought of any of them leaving for the upper class, which are all greedy.

GBS: Young man, I have heard enough. Please proceed to the next room to receive your reward. It makes that marijuana in your pocket seem tame. One hit and you'll be "feelin‚ no pain." Good day.

OWS: Thanks, see ya.

"I appeal to the chemists to discover a humane gas that will kill instantly and painlessly. In short -- a gentlemanly gas deadly by all means, but humane, not cruel."

-- George Bernard Shaw, 1933

"If you can't justify your existence, if you're not pulling your weight in the social boat, if you‚re not producing as much as you consume or perhaps a little more, then, clearly, we cannot use the organizations of our society for the purpose of keeping you alive, because your life does not benefit us and it can't be of very much use to yourself."

-- George Bernard Shaw, 1933

Randy Jefferis
Blytheville